y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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