ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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