is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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