You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
