I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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