I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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