imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
