She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
