Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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