They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Green mimosas i think yes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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