How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
