Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
