she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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