yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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