thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
