Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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