I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
