Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
