Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
