"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
