dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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