What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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