i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
