but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Randomize
