Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
