i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
