either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
