I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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