no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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