So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
