The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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