Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
