Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
