i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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