i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
