it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
We are all done wearing pants today
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
