is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
