haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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