watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
