im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
