You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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