I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
