The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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