I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
