Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
