Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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