Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
