I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
