You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
