Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
