I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
