I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
