I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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