Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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