U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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