The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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