Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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