i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
