I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
