I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
