You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
