Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
