Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
