Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
