you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize