i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
