NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
