I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We need to get me chipped asap
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