I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
