My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize