Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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