I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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