I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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