Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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