I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
