omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
