Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
