They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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